Fiancé Called Me Selfish: Mom In Delivery Room?
Hey guys! So, I've got a bit of a situation brewing, and honestly, I need some outside perspective. My fiancé and I are expecting our first child, which is super exciting, but we've hit a snag when it comes to the delivery room. I envisioned it being a pretty intimate space, just me, my fiancé, and maybe a doula. But my fiancé is really pushing for his mom to be in there, and when I said I wasn’t comfortable with that, he called me “selfish.” Ouch, right? I’m feeling super conflicted and wanted to lay out the whole situation to get your thoughts.
My Perspective: Prioritizing My Comfort and Privacy
For me, the delivery room is a sacred space. It's where I'm going to be at my most vulnerable, both physically and emotionally. I've always imagined it as a place where I can feel safe, supported, and completely free to let go without any inhibitions. Having my fiancé there is a given – he's my rock, my partner, and the person I trust most in the world. But adding his mom into the mix changes the dynamic for me. It's not that I don't like her; she's a lovely woman, but I worry that her presence will make me feel self-conscious. I'm concerned that I won't be able to fully relax and focus on the task at hand, which is bringing our baby into the world. I fear I'll be too concerned about how I'm appearing or behaving, rather than just surrendering to the process. The thought of laboring in front of my future mother-in-law makes me feel anxious and exposed. I need to feel completely comfortable to advocate for myself and my baby's needs. This isn't about excluding her from our lives; it's about creating the safest and most supportive environment for my labor and delivery. I want to be surrounded by people who will empower me and help me feel strong, and for me, that means keeping the circle small and intimate. This isn't to say that my fiancé's mother wouldn't be supportive, but it's a matter of personal preference and what will help me feel most at peace during this intense experience. It’s also about setting boundaries. Once the baby is here, there will be plenty of time for her to bond with the little one. But those first few hours and days are so crucial for me to recover, bond with my baby, and establish breastfeeding if that's what I choose. Having extra people around can be overwhelming and interfere with that process. I want to establish a strong connection with my baby without feeling like I'm performing for an audience.
His Perspective: Family Support and Tradition
My fiancé sees things very differently. He comes from a culture where having multiple family members present during childbirth is the norm. For him, it's a sign of support and a way to welcome the baby into the family. He believes his mom's presence would be a source of comfort and strength for both of us. He feels like she has valuable experience and could offer practical help during labor. He also thinks it would be a special bonding experience for his mom to witness the birth of her grandchild. I understand his perspective, and I appreciate that he values his family and their traditions. I know he's not trying to be insensitive or dismiss my feelings. He genuinely believes that having his mom there would be a positive thing for everyone involved. He also feels like I'm excluding his family from a significant life event, and that hurts him. He feels like I'm creating a divide between us and his mom, which is the last thing I want to do. But I also feel like my wishes are being overlooked, and that my need for privacy and intimacy is being dismissed. It's a tough situation because we both have valid points of view, but they're clashing in a big way. He says his mom was present for the births of his siblings and cousins, and it’s always been a cherished family memory. He envisions the same for us, a shared experience that strengthens the bonds between us all. He pictures his mom offering words of encouragement, helping with pain management techniques, and being a calming presence in the room. He also thinks she would feel honored to be included in such a momentous occasion. He’s worried about hurting her feelings if she’s not invited, and that’s a valid concern. He sees this as more than just a medical event; it’s a family celebration, and he wants everyone to be a part of it. However, my body is the one going through this, and I feel like my preferences should hold significant weight in this decision.
